Throughout this year, from time to time, people ask me how I am. I have appreciated that. But I never know how to answer it. Compared to many people I know; I am doing great. So, I generally say that I am doing good. But it does not really feel like “good” to me. Here is how I really feel, right now, today – and pretty much every day:
I feel angry. I feel frustrated. I feel defeated. I feel tired. I feel alone.
Continue reading “Truth be Told”We all have those times when we wonder where God is. Many of us, if not all of us, have felt deserted by Him at some time – or just always doubted His existence at all. The outcome of my surgeries, the fact of that being plural to begin with, left me feeling very abandoned.
I don’t want to dwell on the story, it’s not important. The end result was that I had to have a colostomy. The very thing I feared and prayed I would not have to have.
The real story is in the after – the weeks that have followed this life changing event. I felt so defeated. My faith was shattered. I felt alone. I did not feel good. I was weak. I cried every day. I was so tired, but dreaded sleeping because I would wake up so depressed. The worst was that I could not feel God’s presence. How could He leave me like this? So, really now, where was He? Does He exist? Am I a fool to believe?
How does one get through a day like this? It started with me in fear of my own future as I looked forward to my first oncologist appointment. The middle of the day was great as I celebrated the encouraging news about my own future. Then…then…came the heartbreak…the call from her brother – his big sister, my oldest friend, had been hit by a car that afternoon – and had passed away.
The only thing I know to do now- is to try to share with you, who this woman was to me…. Continue reading “Ode to Lori – My Trusted Friend”
