Posted in Faith

Changes

Who likes changes? “Me, me, me!” Said no one. Ever. We have just come out of a year full of changes. Some changes are pleasant – this last year was not.

Our family, prior to 2020 had just experienced a couple of really blessed years. We had moved out of the big city; we were able to buy a home that we love. It is in the small town of Sandy in the foothills of Mt. Hood. We were blessed in our jobs. My husband was moving up the ranks of seniority and enjoying the benefits that come with that. I was given a promotion into what is really my dream job. My daughter got to attend a small-town high school, incidentally, the same high school my mother graduated from – pretty cool! These were changes too, but happy ones.

When 2020 started, I know I wondered if maybe our time of being so blessed was coming to an end. I had no idea EVERYONE’s year was going to be so challenging! But there it is. We have made it to the other side of it and here it is 2021. What can we make of it? What lessons can we learn from 2020? Changes have been a hot topic of late.

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Posted in Faith

Hills and Valleys

God of the Hills and Valleys

Have you ever known a song that just says it all? One that you feel like someone was reading your mind and heart to know just where you are? There is a song like that for me.  As my family gratefully comes out of a valley and sits for this moment on a hill, Tauren Wells sings a song called Hills and Valleys that expresses my heart exactly. I have walked the valleys, and although I feel like I may be on a mountaintop right now, I know that I have never been alone, nor have I arrived by myself.

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Posted in Faith

Lavish Love

God’s lavish love – I am overwhelmed today, by God’s lavish love.

I have had the desire to buy a home for the last few years. We have thought that we were ready and gone looking a couple of times.  Each time we were given a definite “No, not now.”

Through an inheritance and the timely sale of a small property, we have recently been able to build a little bit of a nest egg. My baby starts high school next year (Wow, that just sounds wrong! Where did the time go?). If we are going to make a move, its now or another 4 years minimum.  It would be nice to retire sometime, and not have to pay rent. Maybe now, is this the time, God?

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Posted in Faith, Life Stories, My Cancer Journey

After…

We all have those times when we wonder where God is. Many of us, if not all of us, have felt deserted by Him at some time – or just always doubted His existence at all. The outcome of my surgeries, the fact of that being plural to begin with, left me feeling very abandoned.

I don’t want to dwell on the story, it’s not important. The end result was that I had to have a colostomy. The very thing I feared and prayed I would not have to have.

The real story is in the after – the weeks that have followed this life changing event. I felt so defeated. My faith was shattered. I felt alone. I did not feel good. I was weak. I cried every day. I was so tired, but dreaded sleeping because I would wake up so depressed. The worst was that I could not feel God’s presence. How could He leave me like this? So, really now, where was He? Does He exist? Am I a fool to believe?

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Posted in Faith, My Cancer Journey, Surrender

Promises, Promises

Hello Friends and Family – Wow, what a ride this has been! I have been so blessed and so amazed that it is hard to know how to start to tell you all that is on my heart. So, I am in Leg 4 – Recovery from Treatment.

I guess first I should just begin with how I am physically. I went back to work this week. Time to get ready for the new school year and there is always lots of planning to do, but this year especially as I consider that I will not be here for some amount of time. I hit the ground running and have felt really well. My body seems, in many ways, to be healthier than before the chemo and radiation. My doctors are somewhat stunned at how well I did, and how I have recovered. There is a “BUT” though! But…I realized I MAY have overdone it a bit when Thursday afternoon came. About 1pm, I just couldn’t go no more! I ran and ran until I just couldn’t ran no more! I ran out of steam early on Friday too. So, I have tried to slow down a bit this weekend. BUT – I will be back at it tomorrow on Monday as I have another busy week ahead and still much to be done for school.

This coming week is exciting for a few reasons. I look forward to seeing more of a recovery and being able to run this race a little better this week. I have post-treatment PET CT scan scheduled for Tuesday. It will be exciting to see what God has truly done in healing me. Then I meet with my surgeon on Thursday to plan for my actual surgery. Finally, on Friday, we head out of town for a family vacation. I admit, I have been a little jealous of all the trips I have seen and heard everyone taking this year, while I have had to sit the summer out. But truly, I have been on a pretty amazing trip myself, as I realize all that God has done for me this season. Still, it will be nice to get away from home for a short time and just be a tourist.

What I am really excited to share though, is what I look forward to in the coming season. God promised to deliver me, and He has. I feel that so surely in how I came through treatment. My doctors have just been amazed at how well I have done. They do this every day – their surprise tells me something – I am a miracle!

But now there is the 3rd part of my grand plan – “You will glorify me” says God in my special verse, Psalms 50:15. Two months ago, I took that as an obligation. Something that I would be required to do. I worried that I would not be sufficient for the task, I would fail Him, after He had somehow delivered me. But now I realize, that even that is part of His promise. I WILL glorify Him. Not maybe, not try, not should – I WILL!!! Doesn’t He tell us “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.*”? So, although I may not be able on my own to fulfill this, He will bring it about by His grace and His strength, not my own. He will find the way for me to glorify Him, and by His abilities, it will happen. I don’t have to do a thing except be willing! He has a plan for my life and He will see me through to it.

So, even though there is still more to come, probably surgery for one, I have been looking at next steps. There are a few things on the horizon. I am excited about each and every one of them. I don’t want to discuss them, because they are just ideas and maybe’s right now. I don’t know which, if any, will come to fruition, but I am NOT worried. Here is another miracle. Maybe there is something I am unaware of, maybe I will never be conscience of how it is accomplished. It is much more to MY liking to find a goal and run head long into it – kind of a fool’s rush in, where angels fear kind of thing. But this time, from my lessons in surrender, I am so at peace with letting God lead where He will. I am excited and at peace at the same time. God is good. He has made a promise and kept it.  I KNOW I can trust Him with this as well.

Posted in Faith

Where the Rubber Meets the Road

Where the Rubber Meets the Road

When I first heard that I had cancer, one of my first thoughts was anger at God. I mean really God, I’ve been praying for a rest! We’ve had enough of life’s little challenges lately!  A moment later though, I thought – “If I walk away from God – from my faith, now – what else do I have?” I quickly realized that without my faith in God and my belief that He has my back, He is with me, He loves me – then I would have no hope at all and nothing to support me through this journey. Faith is not about the good, easy times – it’s all about the rough, hard times. This is where the rubber meets the road and you either got it – or you don’t. Continue reading “Where the Rubber Meets the Road”