We all have those times when we wonder where God is. Many of us, if not all of us, have felt deserted by Him at some time – or just always doubted His existence at all. The outcome of my surgeries, the fact of that being plural to begin with, left me feeling very abandoned.
I don’t want to dwell on the story, it’s not important. The end result was that I had to have a colostomy. The very thing I feared and prayed I would not have to have.
The real story is in the after – the weeks that have followed this life changing event. I felt so defeated. My faith was shattered. I felt alone. I did not feel good. I was weak. I cried every day. I was so tired, but dreaded sleeping because I would wake up so depressed. The worst was that I could not feel God’s presence. How could He leave me like this? So, really now, where was He? Does He exist? Am I a fool to believe?