Hi y’all! It’s been a while since I have checked in so I wanted to let you know that I am mostly doing okay. I continue to feel very blessed over how well I am actually getting through this. In fact, the Bible story of The Fiery Furnace from Daniel 3 keeps coming to my mind.
Now, I went into this having no idea how I would be affected. Like you, I only know what I have heard from others. I decided I should expect and be prepared for the worst, take one day at a time and go from there. This is what I have done. You may know my mantra, the verse I have claimed, “Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me (Psalms 50:15)”. Well, like Daniel’s friends in Daniel 3:17, I know that my God is able to deliver me, and that He will deliver me somehow, but how that may look, I am at a loss to know. God rarely does things the way we expect Him to. At least for now, almost half way through the treatment faze, I feel like Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego. I am in my Fiery Furnace, but the fire does not burn me!
I have experienced mild nausea and very mild diarrhea. My biggest struggle has been fatigue. I sometimes feel fuzzy, foggy or even a little wobbly and unstable. But that has been it. I get tired easily and have to be careful not to overdo. I cooked dinner the other night, trying to take it slow and easy, but I was on my feet for a solid hour, and near the end of it I was feeling light headed. By the time I sat down I was too overdone (pun intended!) to eat much. That is an example of how easily I can do too much.
The future is still to be seen. I know that the effects of chemo and radiation compound. I am not out of the furnace yet. But I praise God that He has given me these weeks of mild symptoms and I trust Him to continue to stay in this furnace with me.
This being said, there are some ways that you can be praying for my family and I. Visiting the radiation clinic every weekday for a few minutes may not sound like a big deal. Wearing a fanny pack and being tethered to a pump 24/7 may not sound like a big deal. Two actual doctor visits each week, may sound a little challenging. But in my third week of it, I can tell you it all becomes a very big deal. I am so grateful for the weekends when I don’t have to see any medical personnel. I twirl in circles for a few minutes of the hour or so a week that I am untethered (and get glared at or laughed at!), just to enjoy the freedom of it for a while. I even make sure I get a trip to the bathroom untethered – what joy!
I have days when I am pretty depressed. I miss my mom. I feel so alone some days. It can feel overwhelming. Even though I am blessed with a husband who truly loves me, this is a strain on our marriage. We both have issues, and they are magnified through this process. Please pray for God’s support as we work through difficult days, for His strengthening of our marriage – so that in the end it is stronger, not weaker. Pray that I would remain aware of His merciful presence – for it is the days that I forget this that I struggle, fight and cry through. God has not EVER walked away from me, but I sometimes look at the waves instead of the Wave Walker*. Pray that I would keep my heart focused on the Quieter of the Storm. Thank you for the prayers prayed and for the prayers to be prayed on our behalf. YOU are a huge blessing to us yourself.
*Matthew 14:22-33
